Slowly

That’s the way to go.

I am slowly getting there, back to the me that I was before this pandemic hit. Five days ago, I went for a run. The first time in two months that I was able to do it. Not the best time in the world because I jogged slowly, at a pace that was a good start but entirely too slow from what I used to to do.

I also did a short plank, which I used to do daily. I haven’t done a two-minute plank in months because I got lazy and wasn’t able to keep it up.

Since then, I’ve run twice and have also done planks consistently.

Again, they are really small steps, but at least I am getting there. The journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step, right?

And this will be the second post I’ve done in this blog this year.

Again, all is good.

I am slowly coming back.

I fell off the bandwagon a few months ago and let that momentum carry me. I lost sight of what motivated me and became listless and apathetic. The fire that flamed me, the fire that made me so ambitious, suddenly disappeared. I became disappointed in myself and I stopped caring about my goals and dreams.

But all is not lost because I feel myself burning again, dreaming again, hoping again.

Despite the slow and meandering path I’m taking right now, I think I will get there eventually, in the end. I will become focused and will be able to concentrate on hitting my goals and targets.

Because this matters.

This is all a part of what falling by the wayside means. I get distracted but at least I can always go back.

That is the most important part of the journey. I can always get back on track. It’s all about wayfaring and course-correcting.

I am on the path I was meant to be on–I am just taking my time on it.

We all make mistakes, but at least there are things we can do to fix it.

Because I am learning that the path is never always straight through to the goal. There will be crossroads that lead us far away from where we want to be. Sometimes, we choose a road that was so unexpected but still necessary. But the only thing that matters is just to keep walking the path. If we get lost, we try to get back, to hopefully find our way again.

I am proud that I realize this and even prouder to know that I haven’t lost hope and will continue to move forward towards the goal. I just need to focus more and try my hardest not to get distracted again. But if I do, I can always get back up again and just start over. At least the fear is gone. At least the crippling insecurity is gone. I know I can do this–again. That is powerful enough to motivate me to try again and again.

I am growing. That’s all that matters. I am coming to understand a lot more about myself, about the pursuit of happiness, about persevering and still trying hard to achieve my dreams.

But mostly, trying to become a better person.

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