Agency

What do you do when everything is uncertain and your life is in limbo?

So many unknowns in this world…

Or maybe I am just making this all more difficult than I need to?

I need to get down to the basics and keep working on what I have to do. The Game Plan still hasn’t changed: the goal is still financial independence(FI) and establishing multiple sources of income (MSI). That should not change for both of my husband and I. Right now, I think I’m just too focused on hubby and whether he stays in his job for a few more years, which is keeping me from really branching out and really going bigger in my dreams.

Not everyone has a job that is secure and lots of people live like this, not knowing whether they will have a job the next week or not, especially these days with the global pandemic making things so unstable.

I need to go with the flow and let hubby just figure his life out.

Meanwhile, I need to just do what I set out to do this year: set up passive streams of income, preferably lots of them so that we don’t need to worry so much about money. I just want to get started on that this year. After that, I will focus on efficiency and how to improve these methods.

Again, the path is laid out for me, I just need to focus and stop getting distracted by life and the bullsh*t that always seems to surround me. Unfortunately, I cannot control the actions of other people, but I have a lot of agency on what I can do.

I shouldn’t lose sight of this fact because this might be my saving grace. I need to keep in mind that I am not completely powerless and that I have a lot of control over my life. I can choose what to do with my own time and money. Right now, I want to invest in the stock market and save as much money as I can. If I can hit my savings goal, that will lead me closer to my goal of financial independence. I can also choose to go out and get more private students so that my income will increase.

Unfortunately, I’ve become so addicted to this extra time I’ve had that any type of threat to this freedom distracts me. With the three days a week that I am not working, I am usually blogging or doing housework. I also spend this time reflecting a lot on life and I’ve really come to enjoy it so much that I don’t want to give it up, even if it means I make more money.

Like I said earlier, I feel like I am just making a lot of excuses and putting roadblocks on my own path. I need to add one more day of work so that I can earn more. I also need to systematize a lot of the things in the house that can be systemized. I feel like I’m also using my responsibilities at home as an excuse not to earn more. That really is inexcusable–and now I must do something about it.

I have a lot of control over my own fate.

I end with my favorite poem, the ultimate rallying cry for agency, by William Ernest Henley:

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,   
  Black as the Pit from pole to pole,   
I thank whatever gods may be   
  For my unconquerable soul.   
   
In the fell clutch of circumstance 
  I have not winced nor cried aloud.   
Under the bludgeonings of chance   
  My head is bloody, but unbowed.   
   
Beyond this place of wrath and tears   
  Looms but the Horror of the shade, 
And yet the menace of the years   
  Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.   
   
It matters not how strait the gate,   
  How charged with punishments the scroll,   
I am the master of my fate:
  I am the captain of my soul.

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