Panic Buttons

adult alone anxious black and white
Photo by Kat Jayne on

My husband came home yesterday, very despondent. He was saying that he was the only one at work that couldn’t do a task. It made him lose confidence in himself and he spent the entire night moping.

I’m not sure why, but I think his dark mood affected me, too. I just immediately thought of terrible things. What if he loses his job? What if he quits? How will he get another job at his age? Where are we going to get the money to live on? We need to move out of this expensive apartment and move to an area much cheaper. Where are we going to go?

I never voiced them out loud to him. I didn’t want to burden my husband with these dark thoughts. These were conversations I had with myself in my head.

I do wonder why I made such a mountain of this little incident. Why did the panic and fear hit me? Here I thought I was doing a good job managing my negative vibes. I guess I’m not at that level yet.

But, I did calm down eventually. Surprisingly.

Yeah, the dangerous thoughts came, but I was able to let go of the fear.

I think that was definitely a good thing.

After thinking about the situation more carefully, I realized that even if he lost his job, we would still be okay. Even if I lost my job, we would be okay. The game plan has not changed. We are still working towards financial independence and a life worthy of living. We had savings to rely on. There were opportunities around us. Even if he lost his job, he can get another job. There was also the possibility of getting unemployment. Plus, I was also still working. The money won’t stop completely and suddenly.

The world will not end.

It’s interesting that I just became consumed by these negative thoughts, if only for a short time. I guess this is where I need to work on more. Even though I want to change, part of me still has a foot firmly rooted in scarcity mindset. How did I go from one minor incident to complete disaster in such a short leap of time and thought? Is this how other people think?

Part of this scarcity mindset is the deep-seeded fear of losing a job, the one steady income in our household. This journey to financial freedom, after all, started when my husband became sick and couldn’t work for a few months. I don’t think I’ve ever lost that fear. I still carry it within me and that’s why such a small incident became a catastrophic event in my my mind.

The fact that hubby made a mistake at work probably wouldn’t lead to anything terrifying so quickly. And even if it does, we would still be okay. I have confidence that things will work out because we are both resourceful people. Resourceful people always find solutions to problems because they can always figure out what to do.

I need to be better at staying the course–to keep looking at life as a series of opportunities. This way, I won’t fall prey to feelings of panic when something small happens. I hope to gain more confidence as I gain more financial freedom.

Screen Shot 2018-11-27 at 10.56.41

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